It’s 6.30 am and it’s time I welcomed myself back to the art of writing here on my blog. It has taken a social media break to make this happen so I may just have to do this more often. Giving myself more time has made me realise how I actually want to spend it. My heart wants me to write just as much as a dancer’s limbs wish for them to twirl. Everyone has a favourite output for their creativity and everyone is a creator. Everyone creates their own life from within them after all, whether they see it as magical, poisonous, somewhere in between or a little of both. It’s all beautiful to me. The little bird that tweets it’s morning song can be extremely annoying or it can be the most wonderful thing in the world. Whatever we see is a reflection of our inner world and our spirit. When we are hurt from the past, it shows up in the way we view the world. When we are worried about the future, it also shows. Both give us clues, some subtle, some right in front of us and if we ignore the subtleties we often find that they come back fiercer than ever and leave us miserable until we do something about them. These are showing up just as a physical ailment does and they are trying to get us to listen and act in order to heal.
However, when we are fully present with ourselves, we sit with all of our feelings whether uncomfortable or not, and accept them. This is the basis of meditation, for me anyway. Meditation helps me accept everything in that moment. I suppress feelings a lot, as it’s not very professional to burst out crying at work when someone has touched a nerve. I’m highly sensitive and get overwhelmed easily and hide that too – it’s just something I’ve done since a young age. Somewhere someone let me think that crying is something I should hide. Meditation allows me to bring those feelings back into focus instead of distracting myself constantly. When I meditate in the morning I carry it throughout my day. Through meditation you can feel absolute bliss but this takes time.
When I first did it, it was incredibly uncomfortable. I was not in a good place at the time with many anxious and depressive thoughts, low self esteem and one thousand limiting beliefs. When I closed my eyes I felt like my head was spinning and I physically could not keep my pupils still. Yoga nidra ended up being my gateway and I highly recommend it to anyone who feels that they can’t get a grip on sitting in silence with themselves at first. Just try not to fall asleep!
My journey inward has been so magical. From dark nights of the soul, where I was at my lowest to seeing the beauty in that struggle and being so unequivocally grateful that all of that happen to allow space for all the good and greatness in my life and for all the lessens that followed. Everyone you meet is a teacher, even yourself. Pay attention to those brought into your life as they are here for a reason. See what you can learn from them and notice that you give something back.
Everything thought I have is a metaphor for human life, for I can relate to every painting, every song, every tree, every animal and every sunrise at some time or another. A song that I may have disliked as a teenager now matches the delicate rhythms of my emotions. Some trees teach me to let go, just as they let go of their leaves each Autumn. Others, teach me to hold on. I often think in metaphors and poetry when I am present in beautiful surroundings, whether that’s in the woods or at home with my headphones on.
I don’t crave to go into my day job and confirm bacteria every day but I do it because I believe that I am where I need to be right now. It’s not my dream to buy a house but it’s my partners and I want to support his dreams as much as he supports mine. I do really want to buy a house though, it’s just not top on my list. However, buying one will open more opportunities for me. I’d be able to finally create a space I love and then save up some money to go travelling. My heart wants me to travel and capture my experiences through writing, photography and video. Just writing about it excites me! That is how you know what your dreams are.
Be grateful, be present, connect with people, realise that you are limitless, see the beauty in the struggle and follow your hearts desire. For these are components for a happy fulfilling life. I promise you won’t be disappointed.